My interest in blogging was waning for a while—I over committed myself when I had too much going on already. What makes this time any different? Well, for one, I legitimately have little else better to do. And, two, I really need an outlet for both artistic and bitch-tistic reasons.
I finally moved back to Hawaii. I was under the impression things with my husband had finally changed and that I would not be living a miserable and lonely life. It has now been about 4 months, and I am sad to say the realization has hit me that the only way to actually be happy with him is to ignore his short comings and focus on myself.
I can’t seem to fix the fact that he doesn’t want to have sex with me, or that he has a temper that is only aggravated by his extreme passion for video games that make him rage. He also suffers from an extreme disappointment of self, which is easily irritated by my continued disappointment in our sex life, and persistent nagging about house chores as I become increasingly more pregnant.
The only solution, here, is to distract myself from my unhappiness and to keep my mouth shut when I have nothing nice to say… Sadly, this solution is only a half-fix. He still gets angry, still gets depressed, still gets irritable and agitated and takes it out on me… It does not truly solve any of the problems, it is just like putting a band aid on a head wound. Temporary, and not enough.
I am, however, looking forward to my little squishy face. Gabriel Richard Sutton will be the light in my very dark and lonely world, and he deserves every bit of hope and faith and love I have to offer him.
